Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
