from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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