I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
