community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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