Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
