i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
