what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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