This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
