he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
