Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
