His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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