I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
