i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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