Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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