My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
