i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
