apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
