I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
