i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
