He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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