I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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