so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize