Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
