I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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