I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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