just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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