im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
