At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
