you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
