We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
