i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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