I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
