so explain again why im purple
no
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
