Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
