Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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