I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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