i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
