I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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