Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
