Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
