I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
