Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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