I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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