he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
