what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
