My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
