Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
