i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He is an equal opportunity slut.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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