My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
zippers are such a cool invention
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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