Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
