So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
