I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your cock deserves a montage
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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