Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
