That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
