I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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