there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
