What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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