i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Mom said you looked used
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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