I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
