okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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